In The Beginning...
Born and raised as Jennifer Emmert, I grew up overweight. I have always been on diets. In fact, I can remember my mom buying me those Richard Simmons dancing movies to help workout. For the most part, in high school, I was only moderately overweight. After I moved out and on my own, I realized I could eat anything I wanted and no one would stop me. So I did. Within a few short years, I had eaten myself to my all time highest weight of 240lbs. I was morbidly overweight and although I smiled often on the outside, I was miserable. For the year prior to my healthiness re-birth, I knew something had to change. I remember calling a good friend every couple of weeks saying "I just have to do something, I can't be like this for the rest of my life."
No More Excuses...
I had to begin my journey somewhere, right? So I went to one of those weight loss surgery seminars! I sat there, listening to my options. I looked around and that was it. That was the dose of reality I needed!I left the seminar and decided that there was no way I was going to have a surgery that would force me to chew my food until it was liquid before I swallowed it. So in August, I signed up at a local gym and began to work out. I realized that its not about being on a diet. Its not about a quick fix surgery, its not about someone else holding me accountable. This was about me. I did this to myself, I was the only one who could fix it. It took years to get me to the morbidly obese body, it was going to take just as long to get rid of it. For years, I used every excuse that I'm sure some of you have used.
- "I don't have time to work-out"
- "I can't afford it"
- "Dieting is unrealistic"
- "I tried a diet once, it didn't work"
- "It's just genetics that I'm like this"
- "I'm single and live alone, if I buy all that healthy food, it will just go to waste"
What followed was me going putting one foot in front of the other. I didn't start my journey saying I wanted to lose XXX amount of weight. I just did it. I knew that it was going to be a complete life overhaul. That every aspect of my life would have to change in order for my environment to support a healthiness lifestyle.
It wasn't until I got close to being at a healthy weight that I realized I had done it that I had lost a large amount of weight. It was at that point I decided to set a goal for myself. A goal to lose 100lbs.
There were no goodbyes.
In August 2009, on my two year healthiness anniversary and the day I planned on celebrating my 100lbs lost, I faced a very traumatic emotional event. I received a phone call no one wishes to get. My mom had been hit by a car and was on her way to the hospital. By the time I got to the hospital, it was too late.
That month following her death, I ate. I ate to numb the pain. I ate to fill a void. I ate because it was the only thing I could do. In four weeks I gained 10lbs. By the time September rolled around, my pants were fitting a little tighter and physically I was not well (although most of the physical part was the depression from losing my mom.) I got on the scale in September and realized the effects of eating my pain away.
I decided to fight...again.
That September, I woke up 10lbs heavier. I knew my mom would be devastated if I allowed her death to be the reason I gained my weight back. September passed and along came it with additional emotional stresses. Life events - a new job and additional changing family dynamics. By the end of September, I made it through and managed to maintain my weight. But forever I realized that I would have to deal with my emotional being. I had become completely and painfully aware of how real emotional eating was for me.
Life is funny - just when you think you get it, when you're ready to celebrate accomplishing something, you realize it was only the end of a chapter. Another chapter comes next, with it's own trails and struggles.
This next chapter, is without my mom to guide me. I now must trust what she taught me and reevaluate priorities to figure out what really matters to me.
In August 2009, on my two year healthiness anniversary and the day I planned on celebrating my 100lbs lost, I faced a very traumatic emotional event. I received a phone call no one wishes to get. My mom had been hit by a car and was on her way to the hospital. By the time I got to the hospital, it was too late.
That month following her death, I ate. I ate to numb the pain. I ate to fill a void. I ate because it was the only thing I could do. In four weeks I gained 10lbs. By the time September rolled around, my pants were fitting a little tighter and physically I was not well (although most of the physical part was the depression from losing my mom.) I got on the scale in September and realized the effects of eating my pain away.
I decided to fight...again.
That September, I woke up 10lbs heavier. I knew my mom would be devastated if I allowed her death to be the reason I gained my weight back. September passed and along came it with additional emotional stresses. Life events - a new job and additional changing family dynamics. By the end of September, I made it through and managed to maintain my weight. But forever I realized that I would have to deal with my emotional being. I had become completely and painfully aware of how real emotional eating was for me.
Life is funny - just when you think you get it, when you're ready to celebrate accomplishing something, you realize it was only the end of a chapter. Another chapter comes next, with it's own trails and struggles.
This next chapter, is without my mom to guide me. I now must trust what she taught me and reevaluate priorities to figure out what really matters to me.
I dedicate my life to my mom, my best friend,
my confident. I love you & miss you mom!
